I don’t know how anyone can take credit for anything that’s happened to them, when I reflect on my past I see myself as a little ball that was moulded by the hand of god and tossed into the world. This little essence of me bouncing around my environment, some things sticking to me, others repelling me, some picked up and dropped off at a later time, all shaping me and the story of my life.
In my normal waking consciousness it may seem like where I am makes some semblance of sense, of course, I’m here today because I came from here and chose to do this which lead to this and finally here I am now, but when I zoom out, I see that I never had any control, I never had any choices. How could I? To say that I had a choice would be to assume I made myself, but in life you don’t shape yourself, you discover yourself.
The choices I’ve made were dictated by who I am which I had no part in creating, a higher force created me and I will fulfill my destiny, like an actor playing their role. We are destined to become who we are, although not everybody makes it, the reason being you lose yourself. The only way to fail in life is to not do what you want, letting things outside you dictate how you live.
The many voices of the world flood your mind with ignorant beliefs that fill the subconscious, muddying up the ball of light within that serves as your guide. These voices outside you that taught you how things work, seeming so self-assured, self-confident, but really are empty and deceptive. You were being led by the ignorant, by those who have not a single valuable thing to teach. I didn’t learn a thing from school, my parents, society and in fact, those forces only served to push me away from myself, to blind me, they unconsciously drilled their misguided voices into my mind, staining every moment of my life. My mind was plagued by viruses that made me fall ill; all sickness physical or mental is a result of straying from yourself, from God. These voices confounded who I am, I confused them as me! How could I not, they existed in my mind, but when the pain they caused became intolerable and I took a look within, I began to unravel the facade that had distorted my vision for so long. This pain sent me on a hunt, in which I found myself.
Before discovering myself, the choices I made were influenced by voices outside me, against what I truly desired deep within, thus I would suffer. The suffering was a sign to look inward, the more I’d look inward the less the choices I made would cause me suffering, the truer to myself they were. I was slowly finding myself, suffering ceases to be when you are in line with who you are. The bouncing ball that I was is now coming to halt, content as it is, no longer in search of anything, it can now recede into the ground, and like a seed sprouting its roots and fulfilling its destiny to blossom into itself.