Beliefs are what shape your life and unfortunately most of them stem from childhood when you’re too ignorant to examine whether what you’re taught is valuable or not. I recently helped a friend examine her beliefs about herself with the help of MDMA. I was trying to find out what beliefs she held that lead her to believe she’s not good enough. At first, she told me she serves others because if she doesn’t, she has no value, a similar belief which I held unconsciously, which is a result of being taught that being selfish is bad and to be lovable you must be selfless. My goal was to help her realize that you’re worthy of love unconditionally and the reason people suffer is only because they believe that they aren’t good enough.
As we got deeper she revealed to me that she thinks you need to be worthy of love, so I asked her where she learned that. She described being in church learning that to be loved by God you need to be worthy. I then asked her if she required her lover to be worthy before she can love him, and she answered obviously with no, I love him for him, he doesn’t need to prove anything to me. The people in our life that we truly love, we accept unconditionally, we don’t care that they’re successful, gorgeous, and any other bullshit metric people typically measure themselves by, we love them as they are.
So why do we hold ourselves to these standards? Fear is the answer. Her experience in church scared her, she didn’t want to be punished and go to hell. That day, she as the creator of her reality, as we all are, created a belief that would go on to shape her life, I need to be worthy of love. All beliefs are created this way. As a kid, if you’re praised for being smart, you create the belief that you need to be smart to be loved, and if anything threatens to make you look dumb, your defence mechanisms arise to protect you. Maybe your protective parts make you avoid situations that make you look dumb, so you’re too scared to raise your hand in class, or maybe you repress the part of you that’s interested in fictional worlds, and instead, you try and keep up the image of smart by reading non-fiction.
When a belief is threatened you feel it as fear in your body, as well as a block. I held the belief: I need to be smart to be loved, thus when I’d sit down to write I’d struggle to get anything out, my body would feel frozen, I was putting my self-image on the line with writing, I was risking being found out as dumb and so I’d escape from writing. I don’t have that same problem anymore, I no longer fear being dumb because I know that doesn’t make me any less lovable. I luv me self even if I a big idiot who no not how write working.
Beliefs are created by you as a survival mechanism, you need to be good enough to deserve love, love means parents who’ll care for you and make sure you don’t die. This fear has you protect your self-image at all costs. Examining your beliefs, like I need to be worthy to be loved, you’ll find that you created it to protect you, in the church example it’s from hell, in many other cases it’s to keep your parent’s love. The ties of fear bind you to these beliefs, even if they no longer serve you. Unexamined beliefs are the root of all pain. If you look for yourself, you’ll find that no matter who or what you are you’re worthy of love for just being yourself.
I hope that her unconscious belief that she’s not good enough has been exorcised, so she may see herself from new eyes, unconditionally loving eyes. Dive into your fictional worlds and enjoy yourself, you’re loved whether dumb or smart, you’re loved for you, as is everyone, the key to life is being yourself.